Life gives us so many options that make it almost unbearable to think and do the right thing, but then again, what is that? What is the right thing? Recently we’ve lost so many great people who were influential in the LGBT community, and to the world as a whole, because of the light that they possessed and allowed to shine. This isn’t a tribute to them but I did want to recognize the fact that they will be greatly missed and thought of frequently.
I’m not sure if many of you have realized but the world is changing at such a rapid pace that even I can barely maintain. Yes I’m surviving, but that’s because it’s just what I do, survive. (Although lately I haven’t been my full happy-go-lucky self because I have been having serious health issues, which I will not go into because I do enjoy some of my privacy.) I will say though that I apologize tremendously to those I’ve offended and/or have reached out to me worrying about my well-being. I thank you all so very much for such kind gestures. I’ve lived a full life and I pray with every ounce of my being that I may continue and shine brighter than before.
I’m not writing this for anyone to feel pity for me but for you all to recognize the rare chance that people get to actually say what needs to be said before their light is unexpectedly snubbed. Every day we lose people from our community in auspicious ways and then ask ourselves why? Why didn’t I know? Could I have done something? What happened exactly? All of those questions are valid but I ask this question to you all now: what are you doing today? What are you doing to let someone know that they are valued? That they are loved just for being who they are? That you see them and recognize that they live in this messed up world too. From what I see a lot of people are doing exactly what they’ve been raised to do. Stick to like-minded people. Snub anyone who attempts to intrude. The worse I fear and have seen and been victim to are lies and tales being spread about others that we don’t even know anything about. I’m not judging anyone because I’m the last person that should ever judge anyone about anything. I have skeletons in my walk-in closet too honey, but I do know that those things hurt. Especially when you’ve known certain people for years.
It’s one thing to dislike someone because you genuinely don’t like that unmentionable thing that they possess. It’s another to judge someone you’ve never met, seen or even spoken to. You’ve heard plenty of stories but you don’t know this person to verify if any of them are true. I’ve met so many people in this scene and I can honestly say that I don’t really talk to any of them. It’s not that I believe most of them are fake, which I do. Or that they couldn’t keep a secret if I told them it’d save their life, which I wouldn’t. It’s the simple idea that I just don’t really fit in with them nor do I really want to. I don’t have the mental capacity to smile and chit chat with someone whom I know is a good person yet because everyone else is talking shit I may as well. That’s just not me. I’m sorry and perhaps that’s why I haven’t progressed to a higher ranking in the nightlife scene, because that’s usually what it’s all about. Smiling, greeting and then whispering. I’m pretty much the type of girl that says what I mean, do what I do and go where I need to go. I’m not trying to impress anyone because at the end of the day I’m still Kenyatta. When it’s my time to go I know that I have to answer to my wrong doings and I’m more than ready to accept them. I’m not saying that gossiping is the worst thing in this world, NO! I’m saying that treating people wrongly will only get you so far and every beginning has an end. When you reach your end will you…wait… can you hold your head up and say I loved my brothers and sisters and was the best person I can be? I’m just saying…
P.S. I want to thank all of my readers for reading this piece. I do ask that you do not inquire about my health but enjoy our time together because every moment with every person could be your last.
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I’M JUST SAYING! Kenyatta Khan on Living Fully
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