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A holiday spoof to put you in the mood, here’s Christmas in Brooklyn:

Christmas is almost here, and there’s nothing to get you in the holiday spirit like a good spoof.

I couldn’t pass up the chance to share this Christmas poem, Brooklyn style.  It’s called “Christmas in Brooklyn,” and it is hilarious! It is written by Rob Bartlett and was delivered on Imus in the Morning delivered by the character Sal Monella.

We’ve got the full poem and the link to Imus in the Morning below.

Sal Monella’s ‘A Child’s Christmas in Brooklyn’
by
Rob Bartlett

Twas the night before Christmas in Sheepshead Bay
The kids was asleep, waitin’ for the big day
The Stockings were hung by the furnace with care
In hopes that by morning, they would all still be there

Me and gal were gettin’ ready for bed
I wore pajamas she had rollers on her head
When up on the roof, I heard this big crash
Thought it was a burglar, I was gonna kick ass

Went out on the fire escape, looked up in the sky,
And what did I see? This freakin’ fat guy
With a red suit and boots that came up to his knees
In the moonlight he looked just like Dom Deluise

He had this big sled pulled by these reindeer
He called one of them ‘Dancer’ so I assumed he was queer
As he crept off the roof it became clear to me
That this guy was lookin’ to steal my TV

Cos’ over his shoulder he had a big sack
He came down the stairs, while I planned my attack
I waited a second, ’till the time it seemed ripe
And smacked him in the head…badda bing wit a pipe

He fell to the floor wit a groan and a thud
I was kinda surprised I didn’t see blood
Instead he rolled over looked me right in the eye
When I saw who I hit I nearly started to cry

I said ‘Ay yo, Santa, I’m sorry, aright?’
“Not for nuthin’” he said, “but this just ain’t my night”
“I got lost in the Bronx, I ran over some nuns…
“Had a near miss by Kennedy…Rudolph’s got the runs
“I’m out all freakin’ night and I’m bustin’ my hump
“But I can’t continue now, not with this bump
“So do me a favor and be a real pal…take over for me, you be Santa Claus, Sal”

I said “I’m from Brooklyn…I ain’t right for the part”
But he told me that Santa Claus… ‘Comes from the heart’.
He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse: Stop at every house…except for the Jews
I got in the boots and stepped onto the sleigh
Wondering why reindeers all smelled that way

That night I was Santa bringin’ kids joy and bliss
And if you don’t believe me, then yo’ jingle this
Since then I been wit him every year in the cold
Ridin’ shotgun with Santa…cos’ he’s fat and he’s old

I’m his number one helper I been deputized
So on this Christmas Eve, don’t you be surprised
If you hear a voice say really loud and abrupt
‘Merry Christmas to all…thanks a lot…shut up’.

click here to play

If you want a good Christmas giggle, just like Santa Claus has, then you have to check it out.  I hope the folks from Brooklyn aren’t offended.

I also hope use of the word “queer” doesn’t offend the gays.  [I'm gay and it didn't bother, but I know others are bit more sensitive].  You’ll even notice in the clip that they replaced the word “queer” with “you know what I mean.”  You gotta love the fact that they are politically correct over there at Imus in the Morning now!

Enjoy “Christmas in Brooklyn” and have a happy holidays!

Charles On… you don’t have to be a homo to be queer


I’m pleased to once again have the chance to reach you once again via queerplanet.net. This isn’t my first time publishing here at queerplanet.

When I made the move from television to online media in 2003, I was very lucky to have the opportunity to write for queerplanet. In 2005, I left to start my own company, GaySocialites.com. I guess you could say things have come full circle for me as we acquired queerplanet.net over the summer.

Way back when I first started writing for queerplanet, my editor encouraged me to “think outside of the box” since queer doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be gay.

She used queer as a term to describe those that others may call odd. She told me that she wanted queerplanet to be a place where anyone would feel welcomed, especially those who might not feel comfortable anywhere else. That comment really stuck with me, and that’s why I want to make the new queerplanet.net more than just a gay news outlet.

If you’re looking for topics of gay interest, I’d recommend GaySocialites.com where you will find several of the former queerplanet contributors.

Here at the new queerplanet.net, our coverage will focus on abnormal news and odd information. We hope to add a brighter side to your day as we foster an environment where everyone can feel at home.

The term “queer” is what you take it for. Just because you’re queer doesn’t mean you’re a homosexual. As a matter of fact, some of the biggest queers and unusual people I know are heterosexuals.

For me, the term queer isn’t derogatory. In my opinion, a is queer someone who is unusual, extraordinary and not afraid to stray from the norm.

As that bumper sticker on my car during the late 90s read… “why be normal?” We’re here, were queer and we’re proud of it! We hope you’ll hang around too, and enjoy the fun!

["Charles On..." is a syndicated column that runs three times each week on three of the websites in our group. It sums up the thoughts of our President and Editorial Director, Charles Winters. Start your week off with a look at the odd things on his mind at queerplanet.net, an uplifting twist on Tuesdays at GaySocialites.com and his commentary on issues facing New York's Financial District on Wednesdays at www.FiDiNYC.info.]

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